You know... just one time...for one single freaking time I want to come over to a family function WITHOUT them pointing out my flaws. I tried so hard to make myself presentable today to look pretty and decent. I spent an hour trying to get my hair to be calm so my Grandmom wouldn't say "You need to get your hair cut, its too bushy". I spent 25 minutes trying to make my make up perfect so the comment wouldn't be made "you look much prettier with make up on." The only thing I was expecting something to be said "Why are you wearing a shirt that shows off your boobs?" Because yes, I may be big I may not be pretty but my boobs are probably the only feature on my body I find appealing. Their big, so I'm going to flaunt them. No one else in my family has it naturally and I do. So hell yeah I'm happy with them.

But oh no...Grandmom had to jump on me with something else right off the bat. Not even a freaking hello or how are you Jess? Just a nod and then right after:

"You can stand to lose some weight Jessica."


What the hell? I'm fucking sick of this shit! I'm always the one in the family getting critized about everything thats wrong with me. I draw cartoons and watch cartoons I'm immature. I play video games and roleplay I need to grow up. My hair is to thick and frizzy I need to fix myself up more.

I've at least got better handing the "fatass uglyass" comments from the random people. But from my own family? I know I'm already the black-sheep but its been going on for 28 years now. I'm so sick of it! I'm to the point where I never want to come over anymore for ANY family functions!

and by some god unknown miracle Jay finally decides its time for us to get married I'm THIS close to just saying to hell with the traditional wedding I want and just go to the courthouse or fly to vegas just so my family can't be there to critize everything I freaking do!

I thought today was going to be a good day...but oh no. ...Oh yeah, Happy 4th of July to the people who celebrate it...